Mindfullness

I was talking with my slave this morning while driving to work and during our talk she wanted to know if she pleased me. With out thinking I responded that she did, but she challenged me by saying “I just wanna know that when you say I make you happy that I have or how I have”. I stopped and considered her words and realized I have not been doing that. Because we are in a long distance relationship we don’t have the subtle body clues and nuances which can communicate so much with out actually saying something. What we have are words. Words are paramount in a LDR. I realized that I had not been mindful of my words to her.

Jas pleases me so much, not just in her actions, but in how she carries herself, how she treats me, how she thinks. Her entirety pleases me yet hearing her words pointed out the need for a more mindful approach in expressing my pleasure in what she does for me.

Mindfullness:

The Buddha advocated that one should establish mindfulness (satipaṭṭhāna) in one’s day-to-day life maintaining as much as possible a calm awareness of one’s body, feelings, mind, and dhammas. The practice of mindfulness supports analysis resulting in the arising of wisdom .A key innovative teaching of the Buddha was that meditative stabilisation must be combined with liberating discernment. (link)

The Buddha’s words tell me that I need to be always aware of the forces around aed tnd within me. That awareness also applies to how I communicate with others. I need to be mindful of the things I say.

While Jas knows she makes me very happy, I as her Owner I also need to be aware of her desire to know that she pleased me and by being general in my response I cheapen our power exchange and frustrate her.

Some may think, “Dude, she’s your slave. Her thoughts and feelings shouldn’t matter. Just use her as you want and fuck the rest”, but I disagree. I feel that attitude represents something other than a TPE relationship. All relationships regardless of how they are defined need work, need communication and in order for Jas to benefit from training.

I am mindful of my words and actions. I am aware of how they effect those around me. Words are what I have to give and to be careless in how I use them is wrong. I maintain a state of mindfulness going forward and carefully consider my words.

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Of Beastly Dreams and Vivid Scenes

Beast.

 

Beast

I’ve lived with him my whole life, though it took a dear friend to help me identify what that dark and primal part of me really was. For years this part of me made me feel like I was a freak. That I was alone, no one would understand those desires which I kept buried. Even at a very young age I had thoughts of bondage, of doing things to girls, of special rituals with my mate. I knew those thoughts were not something to talk openly about, I knew I would be looked at strangely. Keeping those thoughts and desire locked down made it hard for me to make friends, to talk with girls. I think I also over compensated to the other extreme, by suppressing the primal darkness I became too nice. I let others take advantage of me as a child and as an adolescent.   It was not until I got into college I began to realize that other people had similar desires yet even then I was scared to go too far.

So what is Beast really? He is sex, he is power, he is hunger, he is strength, he is restless, he is my creativity, my passion, he is all that is hedonistic within me.